This month has brought a wave of random ill-informed antagonistic behavior in my direction. I say ill-informed because in all cases, the allegations brought against me are bordering on the ridiculous - and are rather easily proven to be false if the antagonistic character had just bothered to check facts before throwing around blame.
Luckily, the effects in all cases have been relatively limited because I have had more than adequate documentation to prove my side - but it doesn't stop me from being rather annoyed at the situation. Therefore, I have invented a new way to honor these rash individuals by introducing a new point reward system for their actions. . .
Apply Now for the Fuck You Rewards card!
Piss me off! Win fabulous prizes!
- Offense APR is 0% for the first use! After that, a 16% variable annoyance and anger rate may be adhered to your account balance for subsequent use without repaying the balance to my favorable opinion of you.
- No credit limit on offenses!
- Exclusive savings! With regular use, you can reduce my association with you by up to 75%!
- Now with wrath insurance! With repeated use of your Fuck You Rewards card, you earn more towards insuring that your account will never be completely devoid of my wrath.
Now it's easier than ever to get started earning Fuck You Rewards! Simply offend me, and you have begun to earn points that you can use in my Rewards program. Each offense will earn you a variable amount of points, depending on the severity and drawn-out-ness of the event. *
All Fuck You Rewards Card members begin as a Bronze member. From there, you can earn your right to move up in the Rewards system!
Bronze member: 0-100 Fuck You points earned
Silver member: 100-200 Fuck You points earned
Gold member: 200-300 Fuck You points earned
Platinum member: 300-infinite Fuck You points earned
*Conditions on point earning are subject to change at any time with the arrival of events that may include, but are not limited to; the amount of unredeemed points already earned towards your Rewards, me having a crappy day, or visits by "Aunt Flow".
How to redeem your Fuck You Rewards:
A great feature of the Fuck You Rewards card program is that your offenses won't expire, giving you ample time to decide how you want to redeem them!
Bronze Member redemption options:
- Generally irritated behavior.
- Cold indifference.
- Exaggerated professionalism in social and business transactions.
- Forced civility in social interactions.
- General avoidance of you and places you tend to go.
- Angry and indignant dispute.
- With Platinum membership, you are automatically qualified for a free, limited time gift of FLAMING CAT SHIT from our private factory! Delivery included!
- In addition, you have unlimited access to any of the above rewards options at any time!
