What is wrong with the Japanese?!

In light of the numerous asinine discoveries stemming from this country, I decided that they should get their own heading.

And now: Two chicks fight the ultimate duel. With YOYOs.

Asinine Discovery:

Musixbattle - trombone!

You have to hand it to the Japanese for their talent in making even the most mundane things exceptionally weird.

Real? Life update:

Hot, charming, sensitive Spaniard? Yes, please.
Jen is a very happy girl. Very happy indeed.
That is all.

Asinine Discoveries:

I was reading an article about mail order brides from India when I decided to scope out the availability of mail order men. I just sort of figured it was like the male stripper deal - everyone knows they exist but there is just less demand for them. Turns out, they are not available for order at all. Although there is an over-abundance of "mail order bride" sites online, there is no equivalent service available to women. If you Google "mail order husband" or "mail order groom" you will get nothing more than a collection of parody sites (check out those hotties) odd jokes mentioned on blogs, and one actual service that has all Ukrainian men for order.

Interestingly enough, the Ukraine also has a mail order husband service for gays.

Here is a funny little ad that I found on Craigslist:

"I would like to leave the US as a mail order husband. Permanently expatriate. I would be willing to move to a surprising number of places. I suppose I will naturally go with the hottest woman-age unimportant. If your country doesn't hate America(ns) yet, that would be a bonus. I will perform husbandly duties, whatever is customary in your land. If I can drink beer and go bald with dignity, then this too would be a bonus.

Caucasian, raised Methodist, decent teeth. 6'1"or2" and 185#. I can carry stuff, and fix stuff, I like to cook, and don't mind knocking out some dishes now and then. Please be respectful. I am willing to depart based upon the results of the upcoming November elections."

Also, I just found the song about Iowa that I'm sure I've sang for all of you at some point. It's really not the same without the fiddles. . . . Click here to be amazed.

Yes, I really should be packing. Or practicing. Shhhhhh.

"Sometimes a person, through no fault of his own, can't see past the end of his nose." - Mary Poppins

Yes, sometimes an otherwise good person is so motivated and centered that they are completely oblivious to the people and things around them. This causes them to accidentally be complete egotistical jerks to those who they see as no longer able to help them further their goals.

You know people like this.
I currently know several people like this.

But why do these individuals in my life tend to be men? Maybe just because I tend to find the ones who exhibit this behavior romantically since I'm a woman? You know the kind:
"Hey, I'm your friend - hey I want to be your lover - oh, nevermind - and I guess I'll toss you to the gutter as a friend just because I no longer want to date you."

Is it cowardice that causes this phenomenon?
Awkwardness because of a lack of communication and honesty?
Or just plain goal orientation gone horribly wrong?

Anyway you cut it, it really pisses me off because it robs me of my friends. To be honest, it makes me want to stop giving anyone a chance anymore .

So here is my petition to these several men in my life:
Stop avoiding me. Just be honest. I'm sick of the awkward bullshit and guessing games, and I'm sick of losing friends over an innocent trial-run date or two.

Adventures in Real? Life:
World's Greatest Day!!!!
Well, probably not - but heck, I'm excited!! Here is some random stuff that went right today. . .

Bank "Error" in my favor!!
Do to a series of weird and random events, an inactive checking account of mine was used. For evil. And was overdrawn. I have none of the banks in this chain in town. In fact, the nearest is 2 hours away. AND the bank charges a $7.00 a day overdrawn fee.

I called a friend and had them deposit some funds for me, which they did. I went to check the status online and it said I was still overdrawn. Flustered, I called the bank and they explained the ridiculous predicament, which I will not get into right now - but said that if I mailed them a check for $30.00 that day or the next day that they would see to it that the per day fees for the time spent in transit were removed from my account.

Begrudgingly, I wrote a check and put it in the mailbox with the flag up to be removed by the postman. Unfortunately, due to the stupidity of the landlords, this letter ended up being removed from the mailbox - so it never got sent out. When I got back into town after the weekend, the letter was handed to me. Well, great. So I called my bank - and they gave me the most surprising solution I have ever heard:

"Ok, we'll just take all of the overdraft and late charge fees off of your account. How does that sound?"

Excuse me, what?! Really?! Thanks!!

So, now I don't owe them any money. I can't believe it. That has never happened before. . .

I'm moving out next week!!!!
Words cannot possibly fully express my excitement in this - so I won't bother even trying. My new landlord is letting me live there for free until August after hearing about my latest predicament. I've rarely been so happy.

Oh what a beautiful morning,
Oh what a beautiful day,
I've got a beautiful feeling,
Everything's goin' my way . . .

Asinine Discoveries:

1. Today I came into possession of the most magical record. The title alone was enough to rocket it into my all time hall of fame of hilarity. What was the name, you ask?
JESUS SOUND EXPLOSION!
Now THAT'S a name for a record.
Friend Sara and I listened to it out of sheer curiosity while doing our daily "pain and suffering" routine. Highlights included:

• A band called "Armageddon Experience" - No, I'm not making this up. They sang a song that almost entirely consisted of the words "One Way". I don't know about you - but regardless of your personal beliefs about Armageddon, I don't really think it is something I would like to "Experience".
  
• A woman who below F sounded exactly like a gospel singer and above F sounded exactly like an opera singer. (very funny when the line dipped up and down in that range)
• A song called "Jesus is Coming" which made me laugh so hard, I almost threw up. Here is a rough transcription of the first 30 seconds of the song . . .
• Theremin introduction . . . (like in the horror movies)
• Sound of a heartbeat over the theremin . . . . THUD DUB . . THUD DUB . . . THUD DUB . . .
  
• On top of this, a woman starts saying in what I suppose was intended to be an excited voice, but it ultimately sounded terrified . . . "Jesus is coming . . . Jesus is COMING!!!!"
  

Wow.

2. Slow News Day. Apparently there is so little going on in the world right now that BBC online has had to resort to speculative reporting. Ever feel like you just need to know what might be in next weeks news? Click here to be enlightened . . .