Born Under the Sign of the Retarded Bureaucrat
That's what one of my friends deems only explanation for the stream of absolutely ridiculous red tape that I continue to encounter on almost a day to day basis. I've decided that this will be a regular section on this blog - because if I am going to have to go out of my way to avert this red tape B.S. then SOMEONE should at least get some amusement from it. . .

The latest fiasco:

Registration at Indiana University.
Compounded by the administration building at Truman State University.

1. Graduated from Truman in August - paid 25 dollars for my final transcripts to be mailed to Indiana University.
   
2. Get to Indiana University and realise they have not yet mailed said transcripts.
3. Call Truman - they say that 1 month is needed. Relay this info to Indiana University.
4. 2 months go by. . . . nothing happens, I assume that no further action is needed.
5. Time to register for classes! Go to get my program planning sheet signed and am informed that I have a hold on my account (that does not appear online).
   
6. Have to call registrar's office to figure out why the hold. Guess what?! No Transcripts!
7. Cannot submit planning sheet and therefore register until after transcripts are received.
   
8. Call Truman. Yell. They tell me that they will send them right away. It's been really busy. Fine.
   
9. Try to register again 2 weeks later. Still no transcripts.
10. Call Truman. Again. Yell. Again. "We never received a transcript request from you". What?! I have a receipt! "That must be from something else." What then. "We don't know." Fine. Can I pay you to mail them now? "No, you have to mail us a form because we need your signature on it." Fine.
11. Print out, fill out and mail transcript form to Truman. Pay another 30 dollars for transcripts and overnight shipping fee to Indiana University.
12. Another week goes by. Finally, Indiana University receives my transcripts! Too bad the semester is over.
13. Submit my program planning sheet on the last day they are open before Christmas.
14. It's approved! Hooray! Rejoice! But wait! Oh no. . . . I have 2 holds on my account that will prevent me from registering. One with the registrar and one with the bursar. And the offices won't be open until January 2nd. Great.
15. Look at my bursar account (which I couldn't access because of the transcript hold until now) It says that I have a past due balance (doesn't say on what) and that it has been there since the semester "Beginning of Time". WHAT?!
    
16. Wait. Wait. Wait.
17. January 2nd! Hooray! I will be able to register today. Oh no.... that never happens. Ever.
18. Call bursar's office at 3:50ish. On hold for 10ish minutes. Finally someone. Why is there a hold on my account? "Oh, you had a parking ticket from August." Why didn't anyone tell me? "We should have sent you a bill". Riiiight. I may have noticed that. Nope. "Well, I don't know what to tell you". Ditto. Ok, fine. I'll pay it. Can I pay it now? "Well, actually, our money processing abilities end at 4:00 although we are open until 5:00. You can submit the payment online - but it won't get processed until Wednesday night at 12:00 am." (Mind you the 4th is the last day to register.) Fine. Fine, Fine, FINE.
19. Slam phone down.
20. Decide to call registrar and see what the hold is. Suspect that it is nothing more than the bursar's fine again.
21. "Oh yes, you have a past due payment with the bursar. " Ok, I just took care of that. "Oh wait, there is something else here too." Oh no. What now?
22. "We need you to fill out a card detailing your ethnic background before you can register." You have got to be kidding me. "Oh, well. . . we have to give that information to the government. You should have filled that out with your application to the University, but you didn't" It said it was optional and that I didn't have to fill it out if I didn't feel comfortable. "Oh yes. Someone really should change that." What if I DON'T feel comfortable with releasing that information? "Well, you can come to the Registrar's office and fill out a special form that says that you don't feel comfortable. We need your signature on the form though." Wait - how is that not my application? Why didn't the application cover that? "It's just the way we need to do things here." Why wasn't I told about this? "You should have been sent an email about it a few months ago." Now, I KNOW I would remember something as stupid as that. Well fine - can I come in and fill out the form today? "Actually, we closed at 4:00." But it says online that you are open until 5:00. "That's the phone service desk." Oh. Fine. Whatever.
23. So, I guess I'll still have a few steps tomorrow. But this was too great not to post right now.