Asinine Discoveries:

Stupid people worry me. I seem to be running into a lot of them lately which worries me even more. Here is a list of the top idiots from this week:

• Roger Highfield, Science Editor of the Telegraph. Read the article "Mankind 'shortening the universe's life' "
• So wait - we have to observe something to make it happen? Sorry guys - Schrodinger's cat and trees falling in the forest do not real science make.

• The two townies who were in an argument about whose kid was better at middle school football. In Clouse's lounge. Really. Highlights include:
• "Well, my kid didn't even WANT to be on the football team. I told him he had to be cause I didn't want him ending up like one these here homos. (gestures at the music building) Now he is the star quarterback."
• "Well, sounds to me like North has got a homo for a quarterback then. My son leaves and breathes football like a real man. Shouldn't have to convince a boy to play football!"

• Stupid vocal majors in my early music history class. A few of today's best moments:
• (In the middle of the lecture in a bitchy tone) "Ummm... excuse me, can we actually get some real information about what is going to be on the final? I'm feeling like you aren't covering this very well and I'm getting overwhelmed."
• (During the open question session. . .) "Is the test going to be as long as the last one? You see, I think that it's total bullshit that the last test was longer than the first two. The test before you could take 30.5 seconds per question - but in our last test, there was only 20 seconds available per question - I didn't even get halfway done!
  
• (Teacher's response) - "There were the exact same number of responses on each test - 110. If you didn't get done, this is entirely your own fault for not preparing properly." CLOWN.

I actually learned something while studying for Music History today.

In Peri's opera, L'Euridice, an aria is sung to Hymen, the god of marriage.
I repeat - Hymen. The god of marriage.

And no, I'm not making that up.

That is all.

Asinine Discoveries/I have a crazy life:

My digital camera is a piece of shit.

So today I went to see Pete Ellefson premier the new David Maslanka trombone concerto. It was a great piece - albeit a little long - and Pete did a great job with it.

I was supposed to be taking pictures of Pete performing with the ensemble. I sat all the way in the back left corner of the balcony so as not to attract attention to myself. Then I carefully turned off the flash and noises on my camera and then sat in wait of a good shot. I mostly just took pictures before and after the piece so as not to disturb the folks around me. Little did I know that I was about to really disturb anyone within eye-shot of me. . .

So, all was going pretty well although my camera was behaving pretty badly and doing some weird things, but I was quietly getting a couple of pretty good shots when I managed to hold still enough to deal with the lack of flash. Nothing could have prepared me for what followed.

All of the sudden during a quiet moment of the second movement, my camera went absolutely bonkers. The flash started going off on it's own in my lap like a strobe light. I wasn't even touching it! I grabbed the camera, and put my hand over the flash while I tried to figure out what sort of demon had possessed the damn thing. The flash wouldn't stop - and let me tell you - this is one unnecessarily bright flash. Finally I had to sit on it while I fumbled to take out the batteries, to the great amusement of those around me.

Pete saw it, and looked up in my direction (he was luckily not playing for almost a minute after this).

And so I was mortified.

What is wrong with the Japanese?!

Feeling threatened? Put on a portable hiding place costume. WTF?!

Why hello again!

I'm so sorry that I am apparently the sole source of entertainment for so many of you loyal readers out there. . . So here you go - 5 minutes of blog reading glory to you. . .

New category!

Mentally Challenged Pets:

Today we are going to talk about cats. My cats. Specifically, how they have the tendency to do amazingly stupid things.

Most people who have met my cats will immediately assume that I am talking about my seriously impaired cat, Milhaud. But, no. Actually, this particular post belongs to Hildegard - the "smart one".

Yesterday, I purchased some lightbulbs for my studio. I left them in the bag in the studio for later installation as went about other business. A little later, I walked downstairs and Milhaud politely informed me that they were STARVING TO DEATH because they had only had a little food left in the dish. So I went to fill it up - which usually causes both cats to come running.

Milhaud runs in - and then I hear this deafening roar coming towards me. Panicked, I look around for the source when suddenly, Hildegard comes running into the room like a bat out of hell. Her eyes are like dinnerplates and every hair on her body is stuck straight in the air. Oh yes, AND she is stuck in the handle of my plastic bag full of lightbulbs. She thinks it is chasing her and thus proceeds to try to lose it by diving in and around other objects. Naturally, this just causes her to get "clotheslined" as the bag would get stuck. Naturally, this just made her run even harder. And NATURALLY the bag doesn't rip, but I hear this crash/tinkle sort of sound and magically the bag fits under the chair, under the book shelf, under the bed. After tearing around the room for what must have been at least two minutes, she finally dives back under the bed where she cowers, exhausted.

As the good cat-mom I am, I felt like I should probably get her uncaught from the bag and make sure she hadn't broken anything. So, I pulled the bed back and picked her up and untangled her from the plastic bag of a thousand horrors. Which is when I realized that she had actually been so scared that she had lost control of her bodily fluids. Perfect.
I open the bag. Sure enough, every last lightbulb is smashed into a thousand pieces.

Hildegard didn't come out from behind the bed for three hours. And when she finally did, she spent the first 15 minutes or so checking behind every nook and cranny for the cat-eating bag; and even then, for the next couple of hours every bumb or scrape would send her flying back under the bed.

Maybe it makes me a terrible person that I found this terribly amusing . . .

What is wrong with the Japanese?!

In light of the numerous asinine discoveries stemming from this country, I decided that they should get their own heading.

And now: Two chicks fight the ultimate duel. With YOYOs.

Asinine Discovery:

Musixbattle - trombone!

You have to hand it to the Japanese for their talent in making even the most mundane things exceptionally weird.

Real? Life update:

Hot, charming, sensitive Spaniard? Yes, please.
Jen is a very happy girl. Very happy indeed.
That is all.

Asinine Discoveries:

I was reading an article about mail order brides from India when I decided to scope out the availability of mail order men. I just sort of figured it was like the male stripper deal - everyone knows they exist but there is just less demand for them. Turns out, they are not available for order at all. Although there is an over-abundance of "mail order bride" sites online, there is no equivalent service available to women. If you Google "mail order husband" or "mail order groom" you will get nothing more than a collection of parody sites (check out those hotties) odd jokes mentioned on blogs, and one actual service that has all Ukrainian men for order.

Interestingly enough, the Ukraine also has a mail order husband service for gays.

Here is a funny little ad that I found on Craigslist:

"I would like to leave the US as a mail order husband. Permanently expatriate. I would be willing to move to a surprising number of places. I suppose I will naturally go with the hottest woman-age unimportant. If your country doesn't hate America(ns) yet, that would be a bonus. I will perform husbandly duties, whatever is customary in your land. If I can drink beer and go bald with dignity, then this too would be a bonus.

Caucasian, raised Methodist, decent teeth. 6'1"or2" and 185#. I can carry stuff, and fix stuff, I like to cook, and don't mind knocking out some dishes now and then. Please be respectful. I am willing to depart based upon the results of the upcoming November elections."

Also, I just found the song about Iowa that I'm sure I've sang for all of you at some point. It's really not the same without the fiddles. . . . Click here to be amazed.

Yes, I really should be packing. Or practicing. Shhhhhh.

"Sometimes a person, through no fault of his own, can't see past the end of his nose." - Mary Poppins

Yes, sometimes an otherwise good person is so motivated and centered that they are completely oblivious to the people and things around them. This causes them to accidentally be complete egotistical jerks to those who they see as no longer able to help them further their goals.

You know people like this.
I currently know several people like this.

But why do these individuals in my life tend to be men? Maybe just because I tend to find the ones who exhibit this behavior romantically since I'm a woman? You know the kind:
"Hey, I'm your friend - hey I want to be your lover - oh, nevermind - and I guess I'll toss you to the gutter as a friend just because I no longer want to date you."

Is it cowardice that causes this phenomenon?
Awkwardness because of a lack of communication and honesty?
Or just plain goal orientation gone horribly wrong?

Anyway you cut it, it really pisses me off because it robs me of my friends. To be honest, it makes me want to stop giving anyone a chance anymore .

So here is my petition to these several men in my life:
Stop avoiding me. Just be honest. I'm sick of the awkward bullshit and guessing games, and I'm sick of losing friends over an innocent trial-run date or two.

Adventures in Real? Life:
World's Greatest Day!!!!
Well, probably not - but heck, I'm excited!! Here is some random stuff that went right today. . .

Bank "Error" in my favor!!
Do to a series of weird and random events, an inactive checking account of mine was used. For evil. And was overdrawn. I have none of the banks in this chain in town. In fact, the nearest is 2 hours away. AND the bank charges a $7.00 a day overdrawn fee.

I called a friend and had them deposit some funds for me, which they did. I went to check the status online and it said I was still overdrawn. Flustered, I called the bank and they explained the ridiculous predicament, which I will not get into right now - but said that if I mailed them a check for $30.00 that day or the next day that they would see to it that the per day fees for the time spent in transit were removed from my account.

Begrudgingly, I wrote a check and put it in the mailbox with the flag up to be removed by the postman. Unfortunately, due to the stupidity of the landlords, this letter ended up being removed from the mailbox - so it never got sent out. When I got back into town after the weekend, the letter was handed to me. Well, great. So I called my bank - and they gave me the most surprising solution I have ever heard:

"Ok, we'll just take all of the overdraft and late charge fees off of your account. How does that sound?"

Excuse me, what?! Really?! Thanks!!

So, now I don't owe them any money. I can't believe it. That has never happened before. . .

I'm moving out next week!!!!
Words cannot possibly fully express my excitement in this - so I won't bother even trying. My new landlord is letting me live there for free until August after hearing about my latest predicament. I've rarely been so happy.

Oh what a beautiful morning,
Oh what a beautiful day,
I've got a beautiful feeling,
Everything's goin' my way . . .

Asinine Discoveries:

1. Today I came into possession of the most magical record. The title alone was enough to rocket it into my all time hall of fame of hilarity. What was the name, you ask?
JESUS SOUND EXPLOSION!
Now THAT'S a name for a record.
Friend Sara and I listened to it out of sheer curiosity while doing our daily "pain and suffering" routine. Highlights included:

• A band called "Armageddon Experience" - No, I'm not making this up. They sang a song that almost entirely consisted of the words "One Way". I don't know about you - but regardless of your personal beliefs about Armageddon, I don't really think it is something I would like to "Experience".
  
• A woman who below F sounded exactly like a gospel singer and above F sounded exactly like an opera singer. (very funny when the line dipped up and down in that range)
• A song called "Jesus is Coming" which made me laugh so hard, I almost threw up. Here is a rough transcription of the first 30 seconds of the song . . .
• Theremin introduction . . . (like in the horror movies)
• Sound of a heartbeat over the theremin . . . . THUD DUB . . THUD DUB . . . THUD DUB . . .
  
• On top of this, a woman starts saying in what I suppose was intended to be an excited voice, but it ultimately sounded terrified . . . "Jesus is coming . . . Jesus is COMING!!!!"
  

Wow.

2. Slow News Day. Apparently there is so little going on in the world right now that BBC online has had to resort to speculative reporting. Ever feel like you just need to know what might be in next weeks news? Click here to be enlightened . . .

Asinine Discoveries
Some interesting webreadings

• "We don't want homosexuals in OUR military - but we'd LOVE to support them in yours . . ." US Military tries to make the "gay bomb" and the "flatulence bomb" as nonviolent methods of winning wars. Good use of taxpayer dollars, guys.
• How much money would it take before you allowed someone to cut a disfiguring hole in your completely healthy arm in the name of science? Me personally? All of my student loans.

• Man sues a dry cleaning company for $54 million for losing his pants. Best part? He's a judge. That sure decreases my faith in our judiciary system. Too bad, because I didn't have very much to begin with. . .
  

Adventures in real? life:

• Got a new kite! Sadly, it is still not a stunt kite - but it IS a beautiful black with drops of tie-dye $20 kite. I must say, I feel much cooler when I'm flying that kite than my pink Carebears one. Plus, this one floats in the air when the wind dies down, so it is much more conducive to kite flying in Indiana.
• Made up with a friend that I had been on rough terms with. Happy. :)
• I've officially lost 10 lbs in the last month! Hurrah for healthy weight loss. Only 15 more to go before target is achieved.
• An offer for an interesting temporary career path has presented itself for the year after I graduate. More on this when I can talk about it - but it might be happy. . .
  

Born Under the Sign of the Retarded Bureaucrat:
The curse of the one question form. . .

I just found out what the problem was with the SallieMae loan. What neither the school, nor SallieMae could tell me was passed on to me by my friend, Miranda who had a similar problem. Apparently, I had to fill out a "form" for summer financial aid - this is also why my scholarship that I was awarded (which I filled out a form for) did not go through.
The form?
Enter your student ID number. That was it. All of this trouble because I didn't go online and enter my student ID number. That was the WHOLE FORM! Everyone was telling me, "Everything is taken care of from your end." No one could say "Hey, go put your student ID number in a box online"??!

Unbelievable.

Misadventure:
I got paid $100 to play one 4 minute piece today.

That is all.

Born Under the Sign of the Retarded Beaurocrat:

Well, to add insult to injury . . .

• Vonage charged the card they had on file instead of the new card I gave them, causing an inactive account to overdraft. Boo.
• IU thinks I owe them $1500.00 for summer classes despite the "full scholarship" they gave me.
• Still no word on that Salliemae loan.

New life plan: Run away to Thailand and become a professional kickboxer.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!!!
A several part blog posting. . .

Part 1: Landlords from Hell

I know that I only have a month left to live here, but I've HAD it. I seriously want to scream.

• My toilet, (which has been dripping since I moved in last August) is STILL broken. Of course, I told them that immediately - in fact, I have, according to my records (yes, I keep track) reminded them of the toilet problem 43 times since I moved in. Mind you, nothing was done about it until after they started LOOKING at their water bills instead of just absentmindedly paying them. Then all of the sudden it was an EMERGENCY that the toilet got fixed and I was yelled at for not alerting them to the problem. Riiiiiiight. So they came over, failed to fix it and instructed me to turn the water to the toilet off whenever I wasn't using it. Also, in the process, they made it stop flushing at all, which sort of made it a moot point. I called them immediately and told them that the toilet wasn't flushing at all. They said they'd be by that night to fix it. . . . well, 3 and a half weeks later, my toilet still doesn't work, despite me reminding them almost every day. I did manage to jimmy-rig the flushing mechanism, so now it sort of flushes. Luxury apartment, my ass. I have stopped turning off the water, figuring that it will get fixed only if they see the next bill.
• I got yelled at for taking my trash bag out to the bin. Seriously. I cleaned out the cat boxes and as usual, took my trash to the outside bin where the trash goes. This was Monday. My Landlord came out on her porch and yells: (mind, you, I'm on the phone at the time) "You need to rearrange your trash taking out schedule so that you are only putting trash in the bin on Wednesday nights. I don't want that smelly stuff in the bin for days." "Would you rather a huge bag of cat poop sits on the carpet of your apartment all week?" "Well, no, but you can clean the cat boxes out on Wednesdays." "I clean them everyday so they don't pee on your carpet." "I don't care what you do with it, just don't put it in here until Wednesday." If I could only devise a way of running it up a flagpole. . .
• They came into my apartment without telling me again. I know it was them. I had locked the door handle and knew which door I had exited out of. What sort of idiot sneaks into your apartment and deadbolts the wrong door? Mind you, these deadbolts are unlockable from the outside and only someone with a key could have unlocked the handle. If you are going to just come into my apartment, why don't you fix the stupid toilet while you are here at least?!! I called them on it, and they denied that they had been in here. Bull. Shit. In that case, I'd really like to know who else has a key to my place. . .
  

Part 2: Born Under the Sign of the Retarded Bureaucrat:

• Still no loan money. Still no word on when that might possibly be. I called Salliemae again and was told (AGAIN!) that this was because they had to contact the school, guarantor and lender. Apparently, contacting three companies takes over a month and a half. So, I've had to take out a bridge loan with my home bank. Pretty sad when a loan that you apply for over snailmail four weeks later comes earlier than another loan that you apply for online. Good work Salliemae. Good to know you are going to be making hundreds of dollars of this loan, but you treat me as a commodity as opposed to a customer.

Part 3: Real? Life Update:

• A teapot with special meaning that I loved dearly was broken today. I cried. Also, I am now devoid of a teapot.
• Still no stunt kite . . .
  

Update on real? life:

In the last week, I have been pretty busy being a freakin' wonder woman, if I do say so myself. I made a pair of really nice twill brown pants and a pair of plaid linen capris. (Pictures to follow as soon as I remember to buy batteries for my camera.) I've been asked several times this week - "How did you learn how to sew?" My response? Be so poor that you don't have a choice. It's a good method. I think I'll write a book and make millions! It'll be called "Sewing out of Desperation - A one-step sewing method" I have a similar cookbook idea. . . "The Art to Baking Armeggeddons - How to instinctively cook for the Apolcolypse"

In other news, a few random fun things happened this week . . .

• I found a place to live next year, and it's freakin' amazing!
  
• I had a surprizingly good time at a party with friends.
• Jose Z.-C. randomly called me to inform me that he was in town - and we had coffee. (I haven't talked to this guy in two years!! AMAZING!) He was my aural skills tutor my freshman year - and I can honestly say, I don't know what would have happened if not for his guidance. . .
• I made beef and bean enchiladas completely from scratch (down to the flour tortillas, refried beans and sauce) and also what could be the world's most amazing beef stew. I'll give you one guess as to what was on sale at Kroger this week . . .

Anyone in the market for a blunt, strangely outgoing hermit with a cornicopia of useless talents? I've got an overstock - darn that supply and demand . . .

Asinine Discoveries:
Friend Sara and I were having a crafting party the other day and listening to a radio station based around the music of Beck and Radiohead on Pandora. Naturally, Pandora was picking some pretty interesting stuff as it is wont to do. That is when we stumbled across what we both believe to be the world's most unbelievably imbecilic song: Blood Machine by Chad Vangaalen. Seriously folks, this song is so bad, it is really almost worth buying off of I-tunes. You'll get a good laugh, guaranteed. For those who are poor - try making a Pandora station devoted to it - (they'll play it at least once) - or go here for a 15 second clip.

Here are all of the lyrics in their ridiculous glory:

They had cities built there
Buried deep underground
People had their hearts plugged in
To a giant machine that can circulate blood

Please, please, please
That's all they can say is
Please, please, please
Help us escape
From the blood machine

One of them explained to me
How they used to be free
Before the machines got built
And before there were laws regulating free will

Please, please, please
That's all they can say is
Please, please, please
Help us escape
From the blood machine

Cause if one of us unplugs, everybody dies
You gotta switch the thing off from the inside
They'll kill us all

They had cities built there
Buried deep underground
People had their hearts plugged in
To a giant machine that can circulate blood

Please, please, please
That's all they can say is
Please, please, please
Help us escape
From the blood machine


Thank you Pandora. Thank you.

Born under the sign of the Retarded Bureaucrat:
The Curse of the School, the Guarantor, and the Lender.

In case you hadn't yet noticed the trend - this is going to be a regular feature on this blog.

For your reading pleasure, the transcript of an actual phone conversation that I had with a multitude of Sallie Mae representatives. Care has been taken to reproduce this conversation as accurately as possible. Sorry about the length, but I SWEAR it will be worth your time. It's hilarious.

I was trying to figure out what the latest hold-up was in my student loan processing, so I dialed the 800 number that was specifically listed as "Graduate Plus Loans" on the Sallie Mae website. After listening to a long automated message, entering my account number for verification and my 5 digit zip code, I was given to a customer service representative.

Lady: "Hello, can I please get your address for verification purposes?"
Me: "Sure. Do you want my permanent address, or my current address?"
Lady: "Madam, I just need your address to confirm that I am speaking to Apkiwa Tiafi."
Me: "I realize that, I just have more than one. Do you need an address in Iowa, or an address in Indiana?"
Lady: "I can't tell you that information, Madam, without first confirming your identity."
Me: "Ummmm. . .(I said my Iowa address)"
Lady: "Ok, thank you Ms. Tiafi. What can I help you with?"
Me: "I applied for a Graduate Plus loan two weeks ago, and it says that it is still awaiting information online. I need to know what that information is so I can take care of it."
Lady: "Oh, let me transfer you to the right department. . ."

hold music. . . .

Man: "Hello, can I please get your zip code and phone number for verification purposes?"
Me: "Sure. (Iowa zipcode & Iowa telephone number)."
Man: "I'm sorry, that is not the information that I have listed for you. I can only speak about this account with Apkiwa Tiafi."
Me: "Well, I am Apkiwa, I guess I'm not sure which telephone number and zipcode you want me to give you. I have a current and a permanent residence. Is it (Indiana zipcode and telephone number)?"
Man: "Ok, Ms. Tiafi. What can I help you with today?"
Me: "I applied for a Graduate Plus loan two weeks ago, and it says that it is still awaiting information online. I need to know what that information is so I can take care of it."
Man: "Oh, I am sorry, you have the wrong department. Let me transfer you to the correct department."

hold music. . .

Lady 2: "Hello. Can I please get your date of birth and telephone number for verification?"
Me: (Date of birth and Indiana telephone number)
Lady 2: "Thank you, Ms. Tiafi. What can I help you with today?"
Me: "I applied for a Graduate Plus loan two weeks ago, and it says that it is still awaiting information online. I need to know what that information is so I can take care of it."
Lady 2: "Well, from what it says on my screen, we have all of the information and you have been approved. Let me transfer you to the main loan department so they can make sure that this information is correct. . . "

hold music . . .

Man 2: "Hello. Can I please get your date of birth and address for verification?"
Me: "(date of birth and Iowa address)"
Man 2: "I'm sorry, I do not have that address listed. I can only speak to Ms. Tiafi about this account information"
Me: "Sigh. (Indiana address)"
Man 2: "Thank you, Ms. Tiafi. How - may - I - ass-ist - you (yawn) today?"
Me: "I applied for a Graduate Plus loan two weeks ago, and it says that it is still awaiting information online. I need to know what that information is so I can take care of it."
Man 2: "Yawn"
Me: "Is this the correct department?"
Man 2: "Yaw. . nyes. Can you repeat the question, please?"
Me: "I applied for a Graduate Plus loan two weeks ago, and it says that it is still awaiting information online. I need to know what that information is so I can take care of it."
Man 2: "Ok, it says here that you have submitted all of the information and that the loan has been approved."
Me: "Ok. . .then why has the loan not been processed yet?"
Man 2: "Well, we have to contact the school, the guarantor, and the lender and make sure that we all have the same information before we can send the money to be distributed by the school."
Me: "It has been two weeks. How long does that normally take?"
Man 2: "People is asking me that all the time, and I tell them, 'we have to contact the school, the guarantor, and the lender'.
Me: "Yes, you just said that. But how long does it usually take?"
Man 2: "Well ma'am, as I said, we have to contact the school, the guarantor and the lender and make sure we all have the same information before we can give you the money. I don't know how long it will take."
Me: "Is there someway of telling how far in the process of contacting the other parties you are?"
Man 2: "Ma'am, I just told you - we have to contact the school, the guarantor AND the lender. That can take some time. I don't know how long, but since we have to contact the school, the guarantor and the lender, sometimes it can be a long time."
Me: "Is there someone there who I can talk to who can give me more information?"
Man 2: "Ma'am, your school is IU, your guarantor is blah, and your lender is Sallie Mae"
Me: "Sigh. I realize that, sir. I have the promissory note right in front of me."
Man 2: "Look ma'am, I'm just saying that we have to contact the school, the guarantor and the lender before the loan can go through. Then we will send the money to be distributed by the school."
Me: "So, you don't know how long it will take?"
Man 2: "No, we have to. . ."
Me: "I know - school, guarantor, lender. Right. Got that. And there is no one there who can give me more information or an estimate?"
Man 2: "No"
Me: "Ok, well . . . thank you for your time . . . bye."

click

For a brief while while this last man and I were talking, I could have SWORN I had gotten caught somehow in an SNL skit - but no, this is my real life in all of its glory. . .

Total time on the phone with Sallie Mae: 43 minutes, 12 seconds.

Baking Armageddon! - Version 4.0:

Just got done with another amazing baking extraordinare. Yes, it's 4:30 in the morning. Take into account that I began at 8:00 pm. I was not having the greatest day and baking is quite the "Zen" activity for me. You see, while you are being productive you get to think and even get your hands dirty. . . I love it. I feel much better about life, the universe and everything.

What I made today:

• Huge homemade Chicken-pot-pie.
• 2 ultra thin crust pizzas (homemade, o'course)
• 1 meatloaf
• Kolache

Many of you are probably unenlightened to the utter amazingness that is Kolache. That is probably because most of you are not Czech. Kolache is a Czech (obviously) pastry that is made with a thrice risen bread outside and a fruit inside. They are not particularly sweet - more like "just right" - but oh SO very tasty. This is the second time that I have made them. They turned out great last time, but unbelievably they are even better this time around!! I'm so excited that I decided to take a picture to share with you:



Also, I would like to point out that I now have a cookie jar full of Czech pastries. Bwah ha ha ha!



Probably a few of you should journey out here to eat some of these, because it will be a very bad day for my digestive system if I actually eat them all before they go bad!

Just for fun, here are some other things that make me happy when I am having a bad day:

• I have a special CD that has a brilliant slow progression of music from depressing to elated. All songs I love dearly - and therefore sing along with. It's almost impossible to be feeling down at the end.
• Baking.
• Riding my horse (less valid now that I get interupted by curious neighbors)
• Samba
• Zelda
• Turning off the compy and unplugging the phone. (Which masquerades under the names "retreating to the fortress of solitude" and "rediscovering my inner hermit".) Feeling lonely feels so much better if I can tell myself that it by choice!
  
• Making balloon animals.
• Playing music not intended for bass trombone on the bass trombone. (a.k.a. the songs of Granados, Brahms clarinet sonata in Eb, and "I don't want to live on the moon".
• Flying my kite.
• Fishing
• Climbing a tree and having a picnic at the top.

I hope you have enjoyed my "rainy day craftbox" of activities. Please, feel free to copy them when you want to have your own private pity party! :)

Update!

Those recipies (with the necessary Jen-ifications, of course) were GREAT!

Some randomness:

• Why do they seem to care so much about this? OMG! Old Melon Found!!
• It's the beginning of Gattaca! Personal Human Genome Mapped
• Some lawyer gets treatment resistant consumption, exposes a bunch of people to it, and is now in a hospital under ARMED GUARD. Why do I find this so amusing? Tuberculosis Guy
• I am totally going to make both of these today. Awesome recipe 1 Awesome recipe 2

• As cool as flying a pink Carebears delta kite is,

someone should probably buy me one of these:




That is all.

Well, I'm feeling much better about life now:

I had IU send the stuff to Truman again, so hopefully the fourth time's the charm. We also fixed the "we don't have you registered for summer classes" problem. Hopefully that takes care of everything. We'll see.

In news that is more fun to report, however, I have the following:
Yesterday I decided to twist some balloon animals since it turned out to be insufficiently windy for kite flying and I needed to do something to release the knots of stress related tension that were overtaking me. I have decided to show my faithful readers the fruits of my labors.

Fruit number 1: Dinosaur riding a bicycle.

Fruit number 2: The most vomit-tasticly sweet balloon sculpture ever.


And Finally: This already tacky "tribute to love" is (unbelievably) made even tackier! I give you the world's stupidest hat:

Yes, yes. I know. Those of you who have seen my "artistry" in balloons before think that this is pretty sloppy work for me. Sorry. Remember - these balloons have been subjected to temps of over 100 degrees - and are well over a year old. AND I don't practice anymore. So there. We can pretend that it didn't take me about an hour to complete these . . .

Born under the sign of the retarded bureaucrat:
Installment eleventy billion.

The realisation of the fact that you are in a really amazingly bad position financially is never particularly easy to deal with. Especially when it is because of other people's blunders. CONSTANT blunders.

Here is a quick recap for those who were not "in-the-know" about all of the prior happenings.

1. Truman State University has the worst business office in history. If I was going to firebomb one building in the world - this would be it. While I was at Truman they lost my scholarship information EVERY SEMESTER (excepting one) that I was there.
   
2. I have been struggling to get them to keep my Perkins Loan deferment info in a place where they can find it.
3. They have called a collections agency on me, even though I have sent the deferral 3 times - one of which involved me handing it to them directly AND taking a picture of it. (Guess what they got in the mail with their latest copy of the deferral?)
4. Collection agency was adverted, and I was told that they would fix my credit report.

So, now for the latest installment of the mess that is my life. At least some good will come of these events as you, my dear readers, can chuckle at them. . . .

I wanted to take a class this summer (Early music history review) to get the thing out of the way. Unfortunately, I need to pay for the class - and some other assorted expenses which I don't have the money for because my personal hell of an apartment is sucking me dry. (More on that later) I found that I could get a PLUS loan if my credit report was good enough. Well, seeing as I am a very responsible person, I happen to have a GREAT credit report. Or so I thought. But as it turns out, my application was denied for two reasons:

1. Although my account on OneStart has me registered for classes and I have been assigned to an ensemble, IU told SallieMae that I was not a summer student. Umm. . . ok?
2. Truman has, miraculously, lost my Perkins Deferral information AGAIN. And reported me to the credit agency - AGAIN. Mind you, you are only supposed to have to submit this once a year . . .

So, I cannot get my PLUS loan until after I figure out what is going on with all of this bureaucratic bullshit. Who knows how long it will take to figure it out this time .

Meanwhile, my personal resources are quickly diminishing. The Oregon audition sucked me pretty dry - so I was really relying on that loan to be coming in sometime in the near future so that I could use the little money I have for things like: a. food - b. deposit on a non-hell-affiliated residence for next year. Now I really don't know what I am going to do. I have always been able to barely circumvent total financial Armageddon - hopefully history will repeat itself in my favor.

Two Quick Items of Business:

1. I almost hit two separate deer in completely different places on my way home at midnight. The fates are trying to get me, I think. Thank God for quick reaction times!


2. I found this advertisement for a movie on the "Simply Recipes" website. I was really struck by the sheer uselessness of the ad. Just who, precisely, do they think will be enticed to see this movie? A picture of a crying woman being hugged by another person (presumably female) - does not in and of itself tempt me to watch this movie. In addition, I've never heard of any of the actresses and as a final nail in the coffin of taste, the bottom of the ad is an annoying bright blue color with nothing on it. I'm presuming that they paid for this ad. I have some advice for the producers of this film. Fire. Your. Publicist.

I propose the following plot for this movie: (To be read with the movie trailer announcer guy's voice while imagining epic music in the back ground)


"Enter a post-apocalyptic world. A world where an alliance of fluffy bunnies rule the world with an iron fist . . . of blood. One middle aged woman is all that stands between the last stronghold of human beings and total xenocide. She has nothing to lose. This time . . . it's personal. GRACIE. (In theaters everywhere June 1)."

Thanks to friend Sara for helping with the movie plot. :)

So, this is kind of an old post
But I found it humerous enough to post anyway now that I have the required picture to tell the story. The weekend that I went to my friend Mandy's wedding also happened to be Mother's Day weekend. Because of the theft of my wallet - I had absolutely no accessible monies with which to buy my poor mother a present. My dad had given her the pretty cool gift (for once) of a digital camera. (On a side note, my favorite "Dad gift giving blooper" is between the ScoobyDoo calendar or the paper shredder - he is not usually very good at this game. . .) Mom was really excited about it, but lamented the fact that it did not come with a carrying case. Then the fates revealed to me that I could, in fact, get her a mother's day present - because I, dear readers, am a crocheting animal.
So on our way out of town, we stopped at Walmart and I had her pick out and (unfortunately) buy a skein of yarn, which I then turned into the amazing camera carrying case you see below:


And yes, she picked the camo yarn. Only my mother. . . ;)

A Few Random Thoughts:

• First and foremost on this list is the strange fact that I again am faced with not being able to sleep in my own apartment. I'm not really sure why, but coming home at night in and of itself has been causing me a considerable amount of trepidation all week - not to mention sleeping at night. Nothing has really changed since then - the landlords still occasionally come in unannounced, etc - but it is no more than usual. I have no idea why I have suddenly had this increase in paranoia. Current sleeping strategy - watch funny videos until I literally can't hold my eyes open anymore. Unfortunately lack of sleep is seriously starting to effect my mood.
  
• I shampoo-ed my carpets in the downstairs portion of my home today - compliments of Brett a) loaning me the machine to do it with and b) moving my furniture around for me. They were DISGUSTING. I'm probably going to do it all again once it dries. You should have seen the color of that water. Seriously gross. A thought - there were two stains that were in the rug when I moved in. Supposedly, the carpets had been "professionally cleaned" when I moved in - amazing how a 120 dollar 12 volt Bissell vacuum can magically get both of them out without a problem. Riiiight. I LOVE it here.
  
• Went fishing. Caught nothing other than very small bluegills. Boo. Although I did find out that my fishing poll has this annoying habit of coming apart and launching the top half along with the lure. I had to go into the lake after it not once - but twice. Magical.
  
• Exercised. My body already hates me for it. Oh well. Every journey must begin with a single step - or in this case, an ill-advised flying leap.
  

Highlights from the rest of the Oregon Trip:

• Getting the hang of public transport = magic.
• Ended up practicing in the classrooms at Portland State University, using the chalkboard for a stand.
  

Audition Highlights:

• What a well run audition! They had no uber room, only individual warmup rooms - which was nice. Of course, you still had to put up with the jerk in the room next to you who was intentionally playing everything you played - only louder and faster. Guys - seriously!
• Turns out I was the only girl at the audition. There were probably 75 or so folks there. I found this out immediately when I walked in, didn't say a word, and the guy said - "OH - YOU must be Jennifer!".
  
• When the gal (my age or younger) came to get me from my audition room, she said to me:

"Oh!! You're the girl! I'm so excited that you came. There was supposed to be one other girl yesterday, but she called and cancelled! It must suck being the only girl in a whole audition - I mean, I felt like it was stressful on me to win a job and I just play horn!"

I mumbled something incoherent, because I was pretty nervous already (I was about to go on stage) and then she continues, saying:

"Yeah, there sure aren't many girls in brass sections in the world, espcially not in low brass - I hope you win!!"

Then the proctor came to get me and she said:

"Good luck - win this one for the girls!"

Yeah, thanks - HELPFUL.

We walked to the stage, where the proctor pulled me aside and said:

"It is VERY important that you MAKE SURE to stay on that carpet. You are the only girl in this audition, and you aren't going to clomp as much as the big guys who have been playing here today. We put that carpet down just for you to make sure that they couldn't tell who you were"

I mean, realize that if I was a real professional who was in control of my emotions and their effect on my product that this wouldn't have mattered at all - but for the love of God, this was my first audition! Are they all going to be like this?

• Needless to say, I did not pass the prelims. I mean, I managed to make it through without missing any notes (although I had a little nervous vibrato on my quiet excerpt and the tone in general was a little special) I did get to play all but one excerpt, which as I hear was more than most got to play. So maybe that's a good sign . . . it's really kinda hard to know since apparently no one from the whole day advanced. (This is what I've been told - certainly no one in my group, Sean's group or Brett's group did)

Highlights from after Audition Madness:

• Sake bombs.
• Soap fight.
• Guy and girl got arrested in the hotel room next to us. We have no idea why.
• Met a hypnotist/illusionist from London on the plane - weird!
• And some guy was getting arrested at the Indy airport or something when we were leaving. He was standing there, and the cops kept on increasing. Which was weird, because they were just calmly talking it seemed - but they kept calling for backup. Unfortunately (fortunately?) our bus came before we could see the thrilling conclusion.
  

So now I'm back home again. My cats missed me, which is uber cute. And in other news, today I bought a fishing license. Which will be happy as soon as I find someone to go fishing with! More on that later. . .

Highlights from Day One in Oregon:

• Random fetus of some sort of mammalian creature in the middle of the road! Totally strange.
• Secret ghrotto. (Not really a secret - was "The Ghrotto" or a huge shrine to the virgin Mary.) Summed up in three words: Rainforest. Pachelbel's Canon.
• Cookies.
• Crazy bus ladies who yell at the driver.
• Lost in Portland.
• Practice.
• BED.
  

Sierra's Most Favorite Day EVER!!

Ok, that's a sarcastic comment if I ever saw one. I've been putting off doing a lot of summer-y type things to my horse until I had help and had the time. Today, I realized that it was never going to work out like that, so I decided to take my life in my hands and attempt to do everything without a spotter. As you can see, I clearly survived because I have the world's most amazing horse. For reals.

Here is the list of things that I subjected my horse to today:

• Vaccinated for Tetanus, Encephalomyelitis, Influenza (both eastern and western) and Rabies. Yes, that involves me giving a 1500 lbs. animal 2 shots. Luckily, he didn't move an inch. (Those of you who knew Sierra a few years ago will most likely be completely shocked by that - but it's true.)
• Then I dewormed him. (Involves stuffing a paste tube down his throat and forcing him to swallow it)
  
• Then I bathed him with Dove Moisturizing Shampoo and Conditioner. The hose was only 3 feet long because this is the most poorly conceived barn in the history of mankind. It is kind of like DEATH in the Terry Pratchett novels - they have seen enough barns to know what it should LOOK like - but don't understand how they are used, so they mess it up and make it completely unusable. I managed to get him to stand right next to the hose and stand still, thank God.
  
• THEN I bathed him with a Providone-Iodine scrub to treat the minor bacterial infection that I found on his butt and backlegs. Damn warm climates. . . .
• As if that wasn't traumatic enough for a horse, I then subjected him to a sheath cleaning. Those of you who have never heard of this - just think about it for awhile. It is my most favorite thing to do - and his, believe me. (Again with the sarcasm)
• After this, I rounded his hoofs off with a hoof file file and moisturized them since it has been very muddy out lately.
  
• And trimmed his bridal path.
• Brushed out his mane and tail . . .
• For a finale, I then pulled out 6 ticks that had embeded around his anus and treated it so it wouldn't get infected.
  

He was so relieved when I turned him loose, the poor guy! He was a real sport though. He was ALMOST entirely perfect - and didn't even kill me or him when the gate came off it's hinges and fell on us. (best barn ever!!!)

Received in the mail today:
One wallet with accompanying note saying one word. "Sorry"
I seriously have the weirdest life.

The world's newest super hero! Sworn to stop the world from listening to poorly played trombone.
Go Here to make your own!

Minnesota Trip - Second Installment:

Why do I have a knack for finding myself in the most absurd situations? It wouldn't be my life if there weren't a few more amazing anecdotes to tell.
So, I went to my friend Mandy's wedding. Back in February, Mandy had asked if I would like to help out by being in charge of the guestbook at her wedding. I told her that I'd love to. Nothing else was ever mentioned, so I sort of wondered if she had forgot or what. Never-the-less, I decided to show up about 40 minutes early to the ceremony to make sure that it was taken care of.

When I got there - I noticed that someone was working the guest book table already. I walked up to them and asked - "Oh, are you in charge of the guest book?" "Yes," they said. Ok. I figure that she was stressed out with wedding planning stuff and forgot she asked me. No worries. I waved at her mom as I went to go see some friends that I hadn't seen in 7 years. (TOTALLY AWESOME, BTW) We sit and talk and do some catching up - and then it's wedding time. Hurrah! We open the program to see the order of the service which is when something horrifying is drawn to my attention by my mother. It says "Attendant to the bride" with my name next to it.

I suddenly feel very ill.

We watch the wedding party get seated - and then Mandy comes up (completely drop dead gorgeous) with her dad. We make eye contact and I see her point me out to her dad. A look of relief comes over her face.

I feel even more ill. Of course, I had not been asked to be an attendant to the bride, but even so, I just felt horrible!

The wedding was over by 4:00 and the reception wasn't until 7:00 - so I got to feel completely horrible that whole time, trying to figure out what I was going to say to poor Mandy. Finally, reception time comes. After a couple of hours, I was able to finally get her alone for a few moments. I apolgized profusely for not being there.
"I was just really worried," she said.
I said, "Did you mean to send a request for me to be your attendant with the invite? Because I honestly had no idea you wanted me to do that!"
She gave me a quizzical look and said. "Oh, it's ok, we just got someone from my mom's work to do the guestbook."
"Oh!" I exclaimed, "I knew about that! But when I came 40 minutes early and someone was already working it, I assumed you had forgotten you asked me!"
"You were there 40 minutes early?!" she says, "My mom was freaking out because she didn't see you anywhere!!"

Now, for those of you who have ever seen pictures of me, you will know that I completely change appearances every couple of years. Her mom hadn't seen me in 5 years - so she didn't recognize me at all until she saw me with my mom in the reception.

So anyway - what a mess! Turns out it had been written wrong in the program, too. Sigh. Drama. It follows me, I swear.

Other things that follow me:
Spiders. I HATE spiders. I'm ok with them as long as they are in their little corner doing their bug-eating thing - but NO - they need to be on my person. That's why I hate them.

I was at my parent's place and since my little brother is home for the whole summer, they gave him the guest room (my old room) - which meant that I got the little computer room in the basement. Last night it was about a billion degrees downstairs, so I opened the window and turned on a fan. I left for a few hours, and then came back down to practice. At which point I noticed the brown recluse on my sheets. EEEWWW. Luckily, there just happened to be a mini Louisville Slugger right next to the bed. So I smashed it's brains out. I decided thereafter to wash the sheets on the bed. Good thing I did - I found another spider after it fell all crunchy and dead off of the sheets when I took it out of the dryer. ICK! Then I went into the room to make the bed - and noticed 3 huge icky spiders in the window. That's when I closed the window . . .
I had dreams all night of spiders crawling on me. NOT COOL.

Needless to say, it feels good to be home. Really good. My cats, my clean and nice smelling apartment, food that I like and can eat in the fridge, my Lactaid Milk, my 400 thread count sheets. . . ahhhhh. Even though I hate it out here on the farm, I must say that it seems pretty great to come home to my own way of life again after staying everwhere else and being in a car for 30 hours over the last 4 days.

Aaaahhhhhh. . . .

Magical Trip to Minnesota 1st Installment:
I've had an eventful couple of days. My wallet was stolen on Tuesday night, so of course my entire Wednesday was consumed by calling to replace every card in my wallet. Charming.
Naturally, this occurs the day before I'm planning to drive to Minnesota for a wedding. Travelling without any forms of ID or credit cards? Sounds great! Where do I sign up?
Meanwhile, back at the Tuba Ranch, exciting things were going on . . .
My vacuum cleaner literally exploded when I was cleaning up to leave. And I don't mean that the bag was too full - I mean with FIRE. Then my wireless router followed suite - only without an explosion or fire. By which I mean it just stopped working.
After finally getting my house clean, I went to IUCU to get some money out of the bank - we decided that the best way to do it would be to buy a VISA giftcard which works like a debit card. I took out 50 bucks to use for gas - which should have been plenty. (Note the use of foreshadowing)
Then driving . . . driving . . . and more driving. But stopping to practice every couple of hours in the reststops. Great if you want people to clap when you are done playing your orchestral excerpts. I don't know how many of you have ever driven across Illinois. I'll describe it perfectly in one statement: "206 miles of amazingly flat, boring cornfields"
I get to Peoria, IL and decide to get some gas since I'm down to a little under half a tank. Card is declined. Turns out, gas stations put a service charge on debit gift card fills at a station to "prevent fraud". They put a 30 dollar "service charge" on my 20 dollar purchase. Magical. How was I supposed to know that?!
Now, remember everyone - Jen does not have a cell phone. Now what? I still have 3 hours of driving and less than half a tank! I have a checkbook, but I can't find a place that will take a check without an ID - which of course, was stolen as well.
So no money, no phone, in the middle of Illinois. Special. I LOVE my magical ability to find situations like this.
So. . . I decide to drive to the next available reststop because those seem to be the only places left in the world with payphones. I have the idea to drive within an hour of home and have my dad meet me to buy me some gas. But first - getting ahold of them. . .
So, I decide to make a collect call. I try 3 times from the *11 number - and for some reason, it keeps saying that the party denied my request. Thinking that there must be something wrong with the number, I try to call with the Verison number that I see attached to the phone. This time, I hear who is picking up - my 12 year old brother, Tim. This is when I realized what was happening. I heard the voice say "to accept this call press one or say "YES" - to deny this call please just hang up." I can almost hear the sweat dripping down Tim's face as he is trying to figure out why this call keeps coming back and wondering what he is supposed to say. He hangs up.
But now, I have a plan.
I call again and Tim got a message that said. . .
"This is Verison with a collect call from 'TIM, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PRESS ONE!!' He pressed one.
So end of story - got ahold of my dad - he came and rescued me in Monmouth, IL. Fun times.

This will come as no surprise to most of you - but I'm pretty much a failure at life. In a comical/hopefully lovable sort of way, mind you.

I went out for some drinks with an interesting guy I met over the weekend. But me, being of course - me, had to randomly throw some hilarious bloopers into the mix.
Things were going pretty well and all, and then we decided to leave the bar and do something fun. We had discovered that hiking, etc was a common interest - so we thought that we'd head to Lake Monroe and hike some trails. First, we stop at our respective places to get appropriate attire (my place is still in post finals chaos - oops!) Then we get in the car to go to Lake Monroe. We get there - and the patrol is actually in his office. At 11:00 at night. Well, shit. We could get arrested because the park is closed.
So, we decide to drive all the way back and hike from my place to the lake. Which is when we realize how astonishingly dark it is outside. The moon, although quite full, was not out at all. AT ALL. It was so dark, I couldn't even find the entrance to the trail. Oh - and we, intelligently enough, had no flashlights, and no compass or GPS unit. We walked into the woods - and I realized very quickly how likely we were to get lost. Well, damn. Back to the messy house that for some weird reason smells strongly now of nail polish. . .
So we shared funny YouTube clips (on a side note, it's kind of funny how this has become a bonding type experience in our generation . . .) and talked. Then he mentioned that he was tired and wanted to go home. I thought nothing of it. We looked at each other - nothing happened. I wondered why he wasn't leaving. Was he expecting me to say or do something? There was a pregnant sort of pause and he says. . .
"Um, so . . . can you give me a ride home then?"
Which is when I realized that I had driven him to my place.

Sheesh. No wonder I have such a ridiculous romantic life!

So, last night after the Big Band Extravaganza, I did a very inadvisable thing. My mom and brother were in town, and they are really big geocachers. (For you geocaching muggles out there, geocaching is like going on a treasure hunt with a GPS device - usually in the woods) There are several caches in close proximity to my place, so we thought it would be good fun to go out and look for them. I called friend Sara, and we all decided to go out to Lake Monroe to Walk Pate Hollow trail and look for caches with delightful names like "Master Pater."

Now, here is the clincher - we LEFT at 1 am, and then proceeded to walk 5 miles of trail. In the wee small hours of the morning. This morning, my body hates me for two separate and distinct reasons.

Reason 1: I walked 5 miles last night.
Reason 2: We got home at 5:30 am. 5:30 AM!!
Ouch.
Ouch.
Ouch.

Here is a random call that I got today from a number that is my Dad's cell number. This, however, was most certainly NOT my Dad. Nor were there any references to ANYTHING that had anything to do with anything. AND my Dad apparently has his cell phone. Seriously weird, yo.

"Hi it's me, ummm. . .
It is extremely windy here. There is dust . .everywhere... trees down . .everywhere, including. . . . ours. A major half, uh, of the tree in the front came down. . . just twenty minutes ago. Scared the shit out of the cats. uh. Found mickey under my comforter in the bed. Uh. I arrived like five minutes after it happened. Uh. Izzy seemed to take it in stride - but he was under the covers and theres a whole entire front yard is covered in tree. And The city says it might be a day or two before they get out because they have trees downall over the city. So it looks like, well, man, um of course what that means is that I'll have to use more air conditioning this summer - because there goes my shade. . . .
anyway. . . . . . . talk to you later . . . bye"

Who the HELL is that?? How are they using my Dad's number? WHY are they calling me?!

I think the aliens are onto me. . .

Why do they add so much sugar to instant oatmeal packets? I have to add another packet of plain just to make it edible. Maybe I should get get plain.
Food for thought . . .

In other news,
I found myself deeply amused today by a high school conversation I saw on Facebook between my brother and a few of his friends that have, for some reason, decided to add me as their friends. One of them posted one of those stupid chainmail things that tries to use God as leverage to get you to perpetuate the email. Of course, this is the sort of post that has a whole list of obvious rhetorical questions posing as deep and profound thoughts - and then says things like, "of course, only people who really love God will send this on - remember God is watching you!"
And, of course, this makes a few people pretty upset.
My brother starts ranting about how a post like that is SPAM - and spamming is ILLEGAL - and God would NEVER want you to go something illegal.
Then an emo kid decides to answer all of the rhetorical questions "a-la-nietzsche".
Ahhh... the sweet smell of drama in the morning.
I will LOVE to see how far this goes.

It's been forever since I last posted because life sort of just exploded at me. Which is fun?

Here is the skinny on the thoughts currently occupying my mind:

• A 24% tuition increase is cramping my style for next semester - I'm not sure I'll be coming back to IU because I'm sort of spent on the whole loan thing. Won't know for sure if I will be here until April 27th.
  
• I absolutely hate where I live. It's a constant source of drama and general stress.
• My horse has been mysteriously losing weight, I can't quite figure out why. To date I have spent a few hundred dollars thus far with things like getting his teeth floated, etc.
• Due to the high cost of where I am currently living and the sudden horse expenses, I have no money for things - like food.
• I sprained both ankles last week.
  
• I got hit by a car in a parking lot thursday and my left knee hurts now to compliment the ankles. (Hit and run, of course)
  
• Boys. Enough said.
• 20 page paper due.
• 2 Professional auditions coming up next month. (Oregon and Honolulu)
• Recital in three weeks.

So.. basically, I'm going crazy constantly. It's not like my life is BAD right now - it's just stressful. Really unbelievably stressful. And it's sort of affecting my productivity and my relationships.
I'll post soon on the hilarious saga that is my less-than-romantic life. Should be good for a laugh or three.

Uh Oh - A SEMI-SERIOUS POST.

Funny how a random fun conversation with a group of friends can lead to the dredging up of emotions that you were unaware you were still harboring. I had a conversation like that tonight with a group of friends over drinks. You get to talking about your social life - your love life - etc. And it's fun. You make jokes, you laugh, you all learn a little more about each other. All around a good time.
But what happens when you go home?
Talking about one's past or one's habits invites recollection of the past. Which is something that I general tend not to dwell on. Starting the conversation - no matter how sterile it actually is with the present company, begins the thought processes that never really got mulled over. It invites a re-examination of how you got where you are emotionally, socially and romantically. I also tend to avoid this train of thought - because I find it painful.
But the point is that I didn't KNOW that I found it painful until this evening. I feel confused by this. I feel in general confused by myself.
For example - why do I ultimately hate being alone? Anymore, I can't stand to be by myself. And I don't know why. It makes no sense to me and it doesn't seem to fit into my personality.
Is it because I am an extreme extrovert? (even though I prefer to be at home with no neighbors?) Or is it because I am used to not having to be alone due to close friends and significant others who filled my life? Or is it just that I had at one time in my life made a decision that would mean that I would never be alone when I went home and now I have made a decision that negates that one without having a strong support group around me, so I am trying to rely on folks I hardly know to fill that hole?
I have no answers. But I do dread coming home to an empty apartment in the middle of nowhere and I don't know why. It was supposed to be a sanctuary. . .
Anyway,
The end of this story -
Coming home from this fun outing with my friends. . . I cried the whole way home experiencing a well of unexpressed emotions that I was unaware I even had inside me.
Seriously weird.
As Carl Lenthe would say - Food for Thought.

Stupidest. Cat. Ever.
My cat Milhaud is perhaps the stupidest cat that I have ever met in my life. He has no coordination, no sense of balance and absolutely no sense of "cause and effect" what-so-ever. So basically, I have a clutzy cat that has a hard time learning the household rules. Just trying to get him to stay out of the kitchen sink has been a chore! Most cats learn if you squirt them with the sink hose a couple of times to stay away. Not Milhaud. He doesn't like water - yet he doesn't seem to understand that he is getting squirted every time he goes near the sink.
Another fun method is to gently toss the cat 10 or so feet every time they get near. He came back Fourty two times.

Here is the only video proof that I have of his stupidity to date:
Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qZvyNt-VYE